12 Misconceptions About Homosexuality in Bangladesh

Being a lesbian in Bangladesh is not as fun as one might assume. First, you are discriminated because you are a girl, then you face a loss of privilege because you like girls. Anyway, we will get into this some other time. It's a long discussion. 

Being someone who's somewhat out of the closet, the level of weird ideas people have about homosexuality here really freaks me out at times. We think we know everything, but sadly we don't, and this Pride Month, I took it as my duty to let the world know the truth (that has already been out there for a long time, but whatever).

How many of you have thought at least one of the following-

1. Gay people do not exist in Bangladesh

It’s easier to deny the existence of something that you cannot accept. Like ghosts or demons or unicorns. But we do exist and fabulously so! You know nothing, straight people.

2. Homosexuality is a Western concept. 

Know your history before saying this thing out loud. The first Mogul emperor Babur had forever been deemed to be a closeted homosexual based on his poetic verses regarding a guy. And in the 16th century, a great love story was written about Shah Hossain, a Sufi poet, and Madho Lal, a Brahmin. Were they influenced by the "Western concept" as well?

3. It's all about the sex

Please! We have feelings too. We fall in love like anyone else. We get our hearts broken just like anyone else. We find ourselves in the middle of confusing love triangles like everyone else.

4. Homosexuality is a mental illness

It’s scary how so many people still hold this thought. Me being a girl who likes girls, I have no problem in dealing with my everyday life. Thus I deny I have an illness. First-hand evidence. Plus backed up by psychiatric theory.

5. And marriage is the cure

Here’s an awesome idea! Since she is not attracted to guys, let’s get her married to one.

People, where’s your logic?

6. Having sex with the opposite sex makes you straight

So in order to be straight, I have to force myself to have sex with someone I’m not at all attracted to. And voila! I’m not gay anymore!

7. Homosexuality is a choice

If I were given a choice about my sexuality, how can one honestly think I would choose to be a lesbian instead of being straight? Am I so dumb I would choose something that will make my life miserable, make me feel like an outcast, & can potentially make my family throw me out? 

8. All gay guys are effeminate

I have seen gay dudes who are more macho and “manly” than many straight guys. And there’s nothing effeminate about being well-groomed.

9. All lesbians are tomboys

I have seen many feminine lesbian and bisexual girls who have more knowledge on makeup and fashion than many of my straight counterparts.

10. Gay guys hit on all men & lesbian girls hit on all women

Since you are straight, do you hit on every person of the opposite sex? I’m sure the answer is no. It’s the same here. We are human beings too. And seriously, who has the time for that?

11. All people who support LGB rights are gay themselves

It’s like saying people for environmental rights are actually trees in disguise. You really don't need to be gay to support their rights! 

12. You do not know any gay person

It’s a given demographic fact that 10% of any population is homosexual. That means, for every 10 people you know, it’s likely at least 1 is not straight and may be closeted if not out. Be empathetic and avoid the gay jokes. You wouldn’t want anyone you love to suffer in silence now, do you? 

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The writer is someone who's writing about herself in third person right now! If you love this post, leave a comment or a personal feedback to missstraightanot@gmail.com. If you hate this post, please feel free to share as well. Haters give rise to the lovers in the world.

Episode 06: My Aim in Life

This is a piece I prepared a presentation on for an event. 

P.S. Too much Hindi movie references. Please excuse me for that. 

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My Aim in Life.

I remember the times we had to write essays on this topic when we were in school. The topic never seemed to change with classes; just the word limit increased. My friends used to write all kinds of crap they never believed themselves- some wanted to be pilots, some engineers, some architects, and what not. Even I wrote my share of crap- to be a doctor.

But all that I wanted to do was to fall in love. And yes, that was indeed, truly, my one and only aim in life. 

How did I realize it? Well, it hit me when I was watching a Hindi movie- Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar. A movie more popular for its ever-lasting love song- Pehla Nasha Pehla Khumar. As the song played on our old TV, I got so deep into the video that I started picturizing myself in place of Aamir Khan. Overwhelmed by the feeling of being in love for the first time, throwing myself on green grass and rolling in happiness, dreaming about the girl all day, all night- yes, that was the foundation on which I built my view on love.

As days went and as Shahrukh Khan’s gooey romantic movies made their marks on lovers’ hearts, my view on love kept getting stronger. And more filmy. Why wouldn’t I be a creepy psycho stalker to be with the girl I’ve always wanted? Why wouldn’t I throw myself out of the train quite dangerously and help a girl to get on board? Why wouldn’t I play violin and dance with the ghost of Aishwariya under the rain?

Now here there are two things in common- one is Shahrukh Khan (Duh!) and the other is a girl. And it was always okay for me to see myself with a girl. In fact, I didn’t realise it might not be okay until I was in my O Levels. Either I was too dumb to understand that it might be a problem or I was too sure of my own sexuality to even consider this as an anomaly. I would like to believe the latter. Bears well on my self-confidence.

The real problem started to happen when I tried to go out there and offer my oh-much-love-filled heart to girls. To my surprise, there weren’t many girls who’d embrace that with open arms. In fact, there were none. It was like I’m riding a super-cool Ferrari on a road filled with beautiful female pedestrians and I was offering them a ride, but no one would take it because the car was of a different color. It made me frustrated. 

But then, Om Shanti Om was released and its very famous dialogue- roughly translated to “If you truly want something from the purest corner of your heart, the whole world will conspire to bring it to you”- gave me confidence. Yes, I will get the love I’ve always wanted. One day.

However, once I actually started dating, within two months all that I believed of love was almost gone, to my dismay. Where is the love that makes you want to dance with instant-ready background dancers behind? I realised relationships and love are totally different. And relationships with girls- I don’t know if I’m being sexist but those are harder than volcanic rocks. Or maybe it wasn’t them; may be it was me.

And then came the inevitable heartbreaks; the kind of pain that makes you want to run in Gulistan in front of the buses and then dive out of the damn flyover onto the horse shit below. And every time my heart got torn apart, and every time I had to glue it together, made me grow skeptical of love. What’s the point of falling in love if that’s how it’s going to end up every time?

There’s no point denying that I’m getting older. And with age, comes maturity. After a while, I realised that all these heartbreaks are the nature’s way of teaching me to get stronger. And to make me understand love is not Hindi movies; it’s not getting yourself killed over someone you love; it’s not mushy songs with transparent sarees in the rain. Love just is.

And it takes not the soft heart of a poet, but the heart of a lion to fall in love. To fall in love with someone of the same gender going against all odds, against the stupid social norms, against every possibility of a heartbreak, against everyone telling me I’m wrong.

But then again, is it any less exciting than any movie you have seen?