Episode 08: The Diary Unwritten

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Episode 07: Crushing

Have you ever been in the waters? 

The first time I got into water was in a beautiful pond in the backyard of my uncle’s place. There was an old stairway that led into the deeper parts under the green-tinted water. The ritual was almost the same every time. First you start by dipping your toes slightly, as if to test the temperature. Then you slide in your ankles as you move forward. A few seconds later, you are knee-deep, and eventually the water levels to your waist. You start feeling the smooth surface with your fingers and your palm, slowly shifting it as if to see what’s below, but in vain. You can only see deep green underneath that ends nowhere. You know it might get dangerous, but you cannot stop yourself from sifting forward. Little by little, the water engulfs your body. The coldness of the water feels strange against your warm skin. You get a tingling sensation that seems to spread fast from every cell to cell.  From time to time, small waves of underwater current give you small surprises as they hit you playfully without any warning. As the surface touches your shoulder, you look towards the deeper end of the pond, thinking of going further and then realizing you’re smarter than that. Instead you back down and rest your head slightly in the waters. Your ears throb as they fight against the pressure, but oh it’s so quiet now. You close your eyes now it’s just you and the water and nothing else. It still feels strange against your skin but you like the sensation, the tingling, the dangerous softness. Your heartbeat is rising up and then down as if trying to make up its mind how to act. You keep wanting to move further, but you know you shouldn’t. You could die. But then you ask yourself, “Would it be that bad? How could it when it feels so good!”

That’s exactly how I felt when I fell for you. Only the pond was my life, only the water were my feelings, only the waves were made of varied emotions, only the deep green that I saw underneath was a heart break.